Since October 7, hundreds of thousands of Israeli reservists have been called up again and again. While much of the attention has focused on the battlefield, far less has been said about what happens when the war comes home.
In this episode of RAW, I welcome back couples therapist Smadar Miller to discuss her new book, You Came Back So Suddenly, and the emotional reality facing couples and families living through prolonged reserve duty.
Drawing on years of clinical experience, Smadar shares what she’s witnessing behind closed doors: relationships strained by repeated separations, children constantly readjusting, intimacy disrupted, and partners trying to reconnect after experiences that are difficult to put into words.
Together, we explore not only the challenges, but also what helps couples stay connected through ongoing uncertainty.
In this episode
• Why coming home can be as difficult as leaving
• The hidden emotional toll of repeated reserve duty
• How war reshapes marriages, parenting, and family life
• Why intimacy and sexuality often become difficult after trauma
• The impact of moral injury and prolonged stress
• What children need when a parent repeatedly leaves and returns
• Why self-compassion is essential for couples under pressure
• What healing and resilience can look like in an ongoing war
This conversation isn’t about finding easy answers.
It’s about making space for the realities many families carry in silence, understanding that these struggles are human, and exploring what allows love and connection to survive even when life is repeatedly turned upside down.
If this conversation resonates with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Please subscribe to RAW and share this episode with someone who may need it.
About Smadar Miller
Smadar Miller is a couples and family therapist specializing in relationships, intimacy, and resilience. She is the co-author of You Came Back So Suddenly, a book exploring the impact of prolonged reserve duty on Israeli couples and families during the ongoing war.
